


Phobias

by JaneyGWF



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 15:38:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12038979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyGWF/pseuds/JaneyGWF
Summary: If you like the humor, teasing and flirting between Jane and Maura, this quirky little one shot is just for you! It takes place at the end of Season 5 Episode 15 'Gumshoe' (the one where Angela oversteps the line and empties the contents of Maura's closet). I thought it would be fun to play around with our girls and give them one of my phobias! Summary sucks but I hope you will enjoy it! I defy you not to laugh! ;)





	Phobias

**Author's Note:**

> This story is only made it here because my super-talented beta Whitewave42 (see FF.N) gave me the 'nudge' I needed to have a go at a one-shot and get past my writer's block. She provided the 'phobia' prompt after our fun discussion about our own phobias. It's her constant encouragement, support and patience in reading every little section of this story as and when I managed to squeeze it out that finally got it published! Thank you very much! (Go and check out her awesome stories!)
> 
> It's set at the end of Season 5, Episode 15 'Gumshoe' . The episode where Angela crossed the line (in my opinion) and raided Maura's closet full of impulse buys. I thought that in the scene that followed it might be fun to give Jane one of my little phobias and this all came out of that little germ of an idea. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and I am not making any money out of them (but can I still delight in any kind reviews I get).

'Maura. I'm sorry.' Jane sighed, pushing back her hair and looking up with expressive brown eyes from her position on the floor.

'Sorry for what, Jane?' Maura questioned as she poured them both a cup of coffee, peering down at Jane as she sat amidst a pile of boxes, packages and bags of different shapes and sizes.

'My Ma...' she drew out, gesturing dramatically with her hands at the clutter that surrounded her, 'This.' She grabbed another parcel and began to unwrap its contents.

'Jane.' Maura, said, her lip quirking into a smile. 'It's fine. Honestly.' She walked round the island with the mugs and handed one across the debris to her friend, who smiled gratefully. Maura shifted a few boxes and gracefully settled onto the floor, casting her eyes around the room that suddenly seemed smaller when filled with many months' worth of impulse buys.

Jane took a gulp of her coffee before finding a patch of clear space to set her mug down.

'She's such a busy body, Maur'. She had no right to go through your things! Me. I'm used to it. I've had years of 'helicopter mom' and her meddling in every part of my life. Whereas, you...She's your guest, Maur. I just wish the woman had just the tiniest clue about 'boundaries'' Jane said, making air quotes with her hands, 'Think of it, if she could be have been satisfied with just having access to my closet we would be sitting on the floor sorting through two or three pairs of old sneakers and half a dozen sweat tops instead of tackling the equivalent of the Shopping Network warehouse.'

Maura shot her friend a glare and pursed her lips but the sight of Jane wiggling her eyebrows at her just set her off chuckling.

'Jane. If you remember, we were meddling in her life! She simply proved a point that I should get my own house in order before I start questioning her spending habits.'

'But you can afford it Maura!' Jane whined.

'That's hardly an excuse though, Jane. And really, looking at all of this I feel a little ashamed that I have recklessly spent money on all of these things that I will probably never use. Especially when your mother is working several jobs just to make sure she has the essentials. I look at all of these purchases and can't help feeling guilty.'

'Hey! Don't you be feeling guilty...At least some of this stuff must be useful.' Jane said, rifling around amongst the packaging materials until she found what she was looking for. With a flourish she sliced through the air with one of Maura's purchases, 'I mean, who doesn't need a melon baller?' She teased, with a playful glint in her eye.

Maura tried to look offended but failed miserably, breaking into a grin and nudging her friend.

'Or, how about this.' she said, holding a cushion shaped packet in front of her 'The Big Slipper' she said in a serious tone, reading the blurb on the side, raising it out of Maura's reach as the ME tried to make a grab for it, ''Why suffer from cold feet when you are watching TV, with the Big Slipper you can put not one, but both feet in to keep the cold at bay'. Yeah, that's just fine and dandy until you need to go answer the door…Do you just have to hop there?'

'Jane!' Maura warned, still chuckling, and shaking her head. 'Remind me again why I put up with you?'

'You put up with me because who else would come and sit here on a Friday night helping you sort through a year's worth of impulse buys instead of nursing a cold bottle of beer down at the Dirty Robber with Frankie and Korsak? Hey! Speaking of beer' she said, casting aside the Big Slipper and sifting through the pile to the right of her…'Please tell me you purchased a crate of Blue Moon in a moment of weakness and if I am really lucky I will find the right box this side of midnight?'

'Enough!' Maura groaned, playfully pushing at Jane. 'Here, I can do better than Blue Moon.' Leaning balletically across her friend she swiped up a bottle of Chateau Neuf du Pape in a presentation casket. Her fingers then danced in the air before alighting on another box, marked 'Dartington Crystal'.

'Voila!' she grinned, raising her eyebrows expectantly as she held the boxes towards Jane.

Jane rolled her eyes and huffed dramatically before untangled her legs and hopping to her feet. She swiped the boxes from Maura and headed to the kitchen, picking her way between the various obstacles cautiously.

Maura's eyes cast around the clutter, turning over a few of the parcels and lifting a few lids with a frown. Suddenly, a sharp intake of breath coming from the direction of the kitchen startled her and she looked up to regard her friend, 'Jane?'

'Yep?' Jane said, a little too perkily, as she swung round with the crystal box, her back to Maura.

'Is everything alright?' Maura quizzed, seeing the tension in Jane's shoulders as she hunched over the kitchen counter, reaching for something in the cutlery drawer.

'Uh huh…I'll be right there. Just sit tight.' Jane continued, a little bit of an edge to her voice.

'Do you need some help there?' Maura pressed, starting to get to her feet, noticing with curiosity that Jane was holding a pair of kitchen scissors in her left hand, her back still to her.

'Noooooooooo…Fine. No help needed.' Jane said, sounding flustered.

Jane was so focussed on her task that she didn't hear Maura get to her feet and weave between the boxes and shopping bags until she had rounded the kitchen island and was right beside her.

'Jane?'' Jane jumped at the sound of Maura's voice, spinning round and wielding a pair of scissors with a large rectangle of packaging sponge dangling from them.

"What's going on?' said Maura, her eyebrows raised in surprise as she regarded her friend, watching as a flush of embarrassment spread across her face. 'Why are you using my kitchen scissors to perform a minor operation on my box of crystal wine glasses?'

'I-I was just removing the packing sponge.' Said Jane defensively, looking like a rabbit in headlights.

'With scissors?' Maura persisted, raising a questioning eyebrow, hand on her hip.

'My finger nails are too short.' Jane blurted, waving around her free hand, to emphasise her point.

'Really?' Maura glared at Jane before her hand shot towards her, making a grab for the sponge that was still dangling from the pair of scissors.

'Don't touch it!' Jane yelped and quickly jerked her arm above her head, before Maura could reach it.

'Jane! What has gotten into you?' Maura was completely non-plussed by Jane's odd behaviour. "Why can't I touch it? Give it here.' She said holding onto Jane's hip for balance and raising herself up on her tip toes in an attempt to swipe the sponge.

'Mau-ra.' Jane held it higher as Maura trapped her against the kitchen counter and continued to reach up.

Maura gave a satisfied sigh as she finally got a grip on the sponge and pulled at it, almost losing her balance as Jane squirmed away from her.

"Mau-ra! No!' Jane looked horrified as Maura handled the sponge. She let the scissors clatter to the counter top and covered her ears with her hands, groaning.

'Jane, what on earth is going on?' Maura said, exasperatedly, as she turned the sponge over in her hands, inspecting it.

'I'll tell you, alright. Just put the sponge down. Please.' Jane said, with a sigh, holding her hands out in front of her. Maura placed it on the counter, noticing as Jane watched her warily, only relaxing when Maura turned back to face her.

'So?' Maura said impatiently, locking eyes with Jane. She watched as Jane's eyes dropped to the floor and she started to rub the scar on the back of her hand.

'I hate sponge.' She said sheepishly, still averting her eyes.

'You hate sponge? What do you mean?' Maura was really struggling to understand what was going on with her friend.

'I mean I..I just can't bear to touch it..I can't even bear it when other people are touching it and it makes that horrible sound.. It's all dry and squeaky and it sets my teeth on edge. You know? It's like finger nails down a blackboard or someone scraping their knife on a dinner plate…It's just…Eughhh!' Jane visibly shivered and shook out her hands. Finally she slowly raised her eyes to meet those of the ME, who to be fair, was making a valiant attempt not to laugh at Jane's revelation, but she couldn't help the smile that played around her lips.

'Mau-ra" Jane whined, practically stamping her foot, 'Not helping!' she warned, 'You are my friend and you are a doctor. You are not supposed to make fun of my afflictions. You are supposed to be understanding and compassionate!'

'But you aren't making any sense, Jane! Sponge is simply a compound of polythene.. It's not hateful or evil. Your fear is totally irrational. And anyway, whenever you stay over here and use the bathroom, you always use a sponge in the bath and the shower.' Maura said matter-of-factly.

'That's different, though.' Jane said, hesitantly, eyeing her friend for a moment.

'I'm really trying to understand here, Jane. Why is it different?'

Jane bit her lower lip and her eyes dipped again as Maura ducked her head to follow her gaze…'It's different because it no longer poses a threat.'

'A threat?' Maura said, her eyebrows shooting up into her hairline. There was a long pause and Maura wondered if Jane was going to say any more on the subject.

Jane sighed, in defeat. 'Yes. Once the sponge hits water…It's…ermmm...neutralised.'

Maura's battle to suppress her mirth was finally over and despite the look of embarrassment on Jane's face she just couldn't stop her bark of laughter. She said in a mocking tone, 'So let me get this straight. The most highly decorated detective at Boston PD is incapacitated by the squeaking of a dry sponge? Let's hope the City's criminal element don't find out about this affliction because acquiring half a dozen sponges to squeak you to death will be so much simpler than trying to pick up a few sawn-off shot guns on the black market.'

'Now you discover sarcasm?' whined Jane, her petulant scowl only making matters worse.

'If only I had known this earlier it would have at least given me something to threaten you with every time you teased me for being 'weird and quirky'. So…A phobia of dry sponge! I will be shocked at nothing now,' Maura teased, still unable to keep the grin off her face.

'Are you done having a laugh at my expense?' Jane growled in annoyance, hands on hips, impatiently blowing a few strands of her dark curls out of her face.

Maura mirrored Jane's stance, 'Are you done making fun of my Big Slipper and melon baller?' She countered, a challenging glint in her eye.

Jane grumbled something Maura didn't quite catch under her breath before slumping back against the kitchen counter, arms folded.

'Okay Jane. Truce?' Maura chuckled, raising her hands in surrender. 'Why don't we leave the sorting for a while and settle down and watch a movie…Your choice. I'll even take on that deadly sponge and pour us both a glass of wine while you go and get changed into something more comfortable.'

Jane glared at Maura but was more than happy to move on from this discussion. She pushed off from the counter and leaned towards Maura, her face inches away from hers, her arms still folded, her voice a low purr that made goosebumps prickle all along Maura's arms 'Alright, Isles. Truce, for now. But just so you know, you're not the only one who can tease.' She tried to give Maura her best challenging glare before she strode across to the staircase and out of sight.

Maura's heart was thumping in her chest for several minutes after Jane had left to go and change. She was caught off guard by the way their usual playful banter suddenly seemed to have an undercurrent of something more, something….dangerous. She released a slow, shaky breath and shook her head before setting about removing the wine glasses from their sponge casing with ease before uncorking the bottle of vintage merlot and leaving it to breathe.

Jane was already plotting her revenge by the time she reached Maura's bedroom. She knew that if she was going to get back at Maura it was important to catch her when her defences were down, take her by surprise. So what if she was being just a little bit childish...Maura had practically invited a challenge with her mockery of her phobia, hadn't she? Well, 'Little Miss Science and Logic' must have some sort of weakness of her own, Jane mused to herself…But for the moment the main challenge would be trying to discover exactly that weakness could be.

Jane paced back and forward across Maura's bedroom for a few minutes. She was taking this just as seriously as she would if she were back in the bull pen trying to crack a case. She knew she didn't have long before Maura would be wondering what she was up to so she needed to think fast.

'Got it!' Jane said to herself, stopping dead in her tracks. She pulled her phone from its cradle on her utility belt, flicked through her contacts and began to text in haste, her heart jumping into her mouth as she heard Maura calling her name from downstairs. She quickly changed into her sweats as she waited for any sign of an incoming text on her phone. Unable to stall any longer without arousing suspicion she made her way back into the kitchen. She hoped that sooner or later she would have all of the ammunition she needed to get her own back on the unsuspecting ME.

Maura had already settled in front of the TV by the time Jane returned to the living room. She hadn't needed to change as she had been wearing her yoga gear when Jane had arrived earlier that evening. Jane popped her cell into the pocket of her hooded sweater before approaching the couch with a little more swagger now that she had recovered her composure from the 'sponge incident' and her competitive streak had her adrenaline pumping as she anticipated the idea of getting even with her friend.

'So what films are on offer tonight then, Maur?' Jane remarked as casually as possible as she nestled into corner of the couch and pulled her legs underneath her, observing her friend, who was busying herself sorting through the stack of DVDs she had piled on the coffee table. The wine glasses were now free from their Jane-repelling packaging and were already lined up and filled with the vintage red.

Maura looked over her shoulder and smiled warmly at Jane as she took in her now relaxed demeanour. 'These are all I have, Jane, unless we go to the DVD store. I think you must have watched Terminator 3 at least four times now.'

Jane regarded the pile and pulled out one of her favourites, 'How about this one?' She said passing a DVD case to Maura before picking up her glass of wine, 'It's been a while since we watched 'The Sixth Sense'..But you have to promise not to go all Googlemouth again about the lack of scientific evidence that anyone is capable of 'seeing dead people', Okay? It's just a film, Maura…En-ter-tain-ment.' She said, emphasising every syllable.

Maura was eager to please Jane, feeling a little guilty about teasing her earlier. She placed her hand on Jane's knee and gave her a solemn look. 'Jane, I will do my very best not to interrupt.' Then she made a little action with her hand of zipping and locking her lip and made as if to throw away an imaginary key, causing Jane to almost aspirate her wine. She wiped her mouth with her hand and shook her head…'Honestly, I don't know who you've been hanging out with lately. First the sarcasm and now the hand gestures. Who are you and what have you done with my friend?'

Maura slapped at Jane's leg and got up to load the movie, "Shush, Jane. Let's get this started or we'll never stay awake for the shocking plot twist.'

'Oh, so you think it's okay to shush me during our truce, Dr Isles? You are living on the edge, my friend.' Jane glared but with a playful quirk of her lip.

'Are we going to start this movie or not, Jane?' Maura countered as she settled back into the couch and reached for her glass.

Half way through the movie and several glasses of wine later, Jane and Maura were much more relaxed and had ended up cuddled up to each other at one end of the couch, as the tension mounted in the movie. True to her word and driven by the desire to make things up to Jane, Maura had resisted commentating on the films scientific shortcomings (and the world didn't end as a result of her letting things slide).

Just then Jane felt her phone vibrate in her sweater pocket and couldn't help but jump a little, despite there being no way Maura would have heard anything above the sound of the movie. Maura shot her a concerned glance when she jumped though, which lightened when Jane managed to feign a relaxed smile.

Jane made to get up from the couch, 'I'm starving Maura. Have we got anything other than kale to eat in the refrigerator?'

'Jane. You know I have to keep a little more than kale around here these days. Angela left me some of her lasagne yesterday if you want a piece of that?'

Jane wove back past all of the boxes and once out of Maura's sight carefully pulled out her phone and scrolled down to the text message. She couldn't help the grin that spread across her face as she read the text...

Thank you, Constance. Let the games commence…

Jane covered her mouth with her hand as she tried to keep the threatening bubble of laughter at bay. Maura, Maura, Maura, she thought to herself as she popped her phone back in her pocket and proceeded to open the refrigerator and pull out the container of lasagne to put in the microwave. 'Are you going to have some of this lasagne with me, Maura?' Jane said as casually as possible, despite her heart pounding in anticipation of having a bit of fun with Constance's revelation about her friend.

'Sure Jane. Let me help you and prepare some salad,' Maura said, getting up from the couch and making her way to the kitchen. She slowed as she noticed the odd expression on Jane's face, her twinkling brown eyes not matching her poker face. 'Is everything alright?' she said with a tilt of her head, carefully observing the brunette.

'Sure. Everything's fine. Why wouldn't it be?' said Jane, quickly turning to fix her attention on the lasagne spinning in the microwave. Calm down! She admonished herself, she had to be careful because Maura could read her like a book and she didn't want her becoming suspicious.

Maura frowned and shook her head, still feeling like something was off 'No reason.' She replied, continuing to observe her friend as she rounded the kitchen island before turning to open the refrigerator to get the salad.

Jane, sensing her opportunity, didn't hesitate, as Maura continued to occupy herself with the contents of the fridge. She closed the distance between them and stood right behind the ME and put both her hands on her shoulders. Maura jumped at the unexpected touch and, straightening up, turned her head to look over her shoulder questioningly at her friend, 'Jane?'

She was caught off guard by the intense glint in Jane's eyes as she leaned even further into Maura's personal space, her mouth just centimetres from the smaller woman's left ear.

'What beautiful ears you have, Maura.' Jane grinned, her tone was playful but nevertheless the deep, husk of her voice close to Maura's ear caused her to shiver. She remained rooted to the spot, surprised by the shift in Jane's demeanour. Her big brain working overtime as she tried to work out what had brought this on and where all of this was leading. Jane revelled in Maura's flustered reaction, knowing she had the upper hand. This was going to be fun, she thought.

Maura peered anxiously over her shoulder at Jane, trying to anticipate her next move. Before she had time to react, Jane slowly and purposefully moved her left hand from Maura's shoulder and reached out and began to gently trace the shell of her ear with her index finger. Maura yelped and snapped her head out of the way. She wrestled out of Jane's grip and spun round, grabbing Jane's wrist in reflex. 'Jane.' She said in a warning tone, her eye's flashing, 'What do you think you are doing?'

Jane had anticipated Maura's reaction and remained unruffled. She leaned in once more with a playful grin on her face, her eyes dancing 'You are so lucky you don't suffer from any irrational phobias, Maur'. Jane watched as realisation flooded Maura's face and she laughed nervously, 'Jane.' Jane was enjoying this game and used her strength to her advantage and pressed forward, reaching out with her right hand for Maura's other ear but she wasn't quick enough and Maura managed to duck out of her reach, releasing her wrist as she did so, before darting around the side of the kitchen island.

'How? Who?' Maura spluttered, her usually sharp brain still playing catch up having been dulled by the third glass of wine she now regretted drinking.

'Constance was really helpful, Maura, but when she told me you can't bear to have your ears touched I thought she must be joking. You couldn't possibly have any such issues, being a scientist and all?' Jane chuckled.

Maura's eyes widened in realisation as everything started to fall into place. Jane's willingness to reach a truce so quickly and her lack of grumbling should have set alarm bells ringing. And now Jane was using her own mother's inside knowledge against her. Very clever. She was now regretting her earlier teasing.

'Now, Jane.' Maura placated, laughing nervously, her arms held up, palms raised towards Jane as she stepped back until she felt the hard granite of the kitchen counter halt her retreat. 'It was just a bit of fun.' She pleaded.

Jane and Maura faced off across the kitchen island, each trying to anticipate the first move. It was Jane who sprang into action first, launching herself around the counter. Maura was quick to react, reached behind her for the packing sponge and wielding it like a weapon just before Jane closed the distance between them. Jane jumped back before it made contact and Maura stood her ground holding the offending material out in front of her with both hands.

'You don't want to do that Maura.' Jane said, backing away with her hands raised defensively. She couldn't hide a grimace when the sponge squeaked when Maura adjusted her grip on it.

'I am just trying to defend my ears, Jane.' She blurted.

The ridiculousness of the whole scene was not lost on either of them at this point and they couldn't help but burst out laughing, easing some of the nervous tension. But Jane quickly recovered and resumed her attack, lunging at Maura who let out a squeal, before making a break for the staircase with Jane hot on her heels. Unfortunately, Maura's foot struck one of the boxes, and she ended up sprawled on the floor, closely followed by Jane, who had been unable to pull up quickly enough and tripped over her, managing to put out her arms to stop herself falling on top of her friend. Maura recovered quickly and rolled onto her back, only to come face to face with Jane, whose knees were planted either side of her. They stared at each other for a few seconds, trying to catch their breath. Jane started to chuckle, shaking her head. 'Maura, your face when I touched your ear!'

'I'm glad I amuse you, Jane,' she said, glaring at her friend, who continued to shake with laughter, wiping tears from her eyes.

She was so busy laughing at her friend that she hardly had time to react as Maura took a swipe at her with the sponge from just outside her line of vision. 'Oh no you don't' Jane shrieked managing to deflect the attack just in time and after several moments of Jane struggling with a giggling Maura she finally managed to get the upper hand, leaning over her and pinning her wrists on either side of her head.

'I think I've finally managed to neutralise you, Dr. Isles.' Jane grinned, as she hovered over Maura, they were both trying to catch their breath after their tussle, the adrenaline still coursing through them. Maura's eyes locked with Jane's, searching with such intensity that the grin quickly disappeared from her face.

'Was I ever really a threat, Jane?' Maura said quietly, her voice thick with emotion, vulnerable. Jane at once felt the atmosphere shift; her heart thudded painfully in her chest and the room around them suddenly felt very small. Yet, despite her swirling emotions she couldn't tear her eyes away from Maura's glistening hazel ones, as if the answers to all the questions she had been asking for so long could be found there.

'Maura?' Jane husked.

'Yes, Jane?' She said, her breath hitching as Jane's eyes burned with a renewed intensity, leaning closer until their faces were millimetres apart.

'Constance didn't mention anything about touching your lips...'

The End.

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So, what do you think?

IF YOU LIKE IT THEN PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO TELL ME...IT WILL ENCOURAGE ME TO TRY ANOTHER ONE SHOT.

This is my first Rizzoli and Isles One-shot - I have a multichapter fic How will I survive without my best friend lurking on the internet eleswhere!


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